Part Two: “I trust you, is better than I love you.”

There is a saying I carry close to my heart; “I trust you, is better than I love you, because you may not always trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust.” And I trust Briana with my life.

The choices I had made dictated the life I led, a life that I have been pursuing for as long as I can remember. I embraced the only two outcomes my lifestyle had to offer, which was death and prison. Love is what truly opened my eyes to a third option. Unfortunately, in the real world, things don’t always play out as we would like them to, but I cannot complain; I brought this upon myself. Looking back on my life, I lived a life of destruction that not only affected me, but everyone that I have come in contact with. It’s like dropping a pebble in a pond, the ripple effects spreading in every direction with no apparent end. Briana’s loyalty and love for me have been unwavering and immutable as the law of gravity, she stood faithfully by my side for almost ten years, enduring the pain of every minute and every year, just as I have. 

I was sentenced to fifty years to life, and I incurred an additional thirteen consecutive years for two separate cases I picked up in prison. Losing someone you love due to the actions and ignorant choices you have made throughout your life is the most excruciating pain that I have ever felt. Despite having been shot three times, on three separate occasions and stabbed seven times, I can tell you that nothing compares to the amount of agony and pain of losing someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. 

I would like to offer some advice if anyone is willing to listen. Love is a lifelong journey that draws your heart ever closer to hers. While love can be expressed in various ways, our words often mirror the condition of our heart. I understand demonstrating love can be challenging, especially in complicated circumstances when it’s hard to feel anything or little to no emotion. But love in its truest sense isn’t solely based on feelings; it’s a commitment to showing thoughtful actions even when there’s seemingly no reward. 

I did everything in my power to keep the relationship alive, but with the time I’m facing and the lack of physical connection; it has taken a toll on our relationship. In prison, you learn to read body language very early on, even through phone calls, and I could sense the relationship was coming to an end. I know my actions contributed to its demise. While many relationships end bitterly, ours ended amicably. People feel lonely because they tend to build walls instead of bridges, but I don't burn bridges. I want Briana to find happiness and success in life, and I will always be grateful for the man she helped me become. She has taught me the true meaning of love, and showed me the potential I possess, even though I couldn’t see it in myself.