“Hey, G, you want to hit this?”

 I despised drugs. I could not stand them because of my mom. I had never wanted to touch a drug in my life, but eventually, I was affected by it, and it did grab hold of me. I have a very addictive personality, and I'm assuming it's hereditary, but I started using drugs at a very late age. The first time I smoked marijuana I was around 16 or 17 years old, and it eventually progressed from there. I ended up dabbling with cocaine, then ecstasy, which I would use recreationally with my friends when we’d hang out and go to clubs or raves. But it got worse. I eventually got into pills like Xanax, Vicodin, Zoma, muscle relaxers, and pain relievers. I tried to tell myself that I would never go to the level of crystal meth or heroin, but around the age of 23, I did try Crystal, and that was when the real battle commenced.

I remember that day clearly, I was hanging out with my homies, and one of their brothers walked into the room, and he goes, “Hey, G, you want to hit this?” But he was pointing it towards me, and says, “Oh, my bad G. I thought it was old boy sitting next to you.” I was like, “No, that's all right. Go ahead.” And once he went to hand it to my homie next to me, curiosity got the best of me, and I snatched it from his hand. I said, “You know what? Give me that. I want to see what it is that you guys love so much about this shit.” In my head, I was thinking, why did my mom choose these two specific drugs over me and my siblings? What was it that was so appealing about this drug? I smoked the Pookie for the first time, and the effect that I got from it was an exhilarating rush, that euphoric high of being up. And I remember I told him, “Man, this shit tastes like cotton candy.” And he looked at me, and he goes, “Fuck man, it's all bad.” And when I asked why, he said, “It’s all downhill from here.” And he was right. I started using meth a lot. I started smoking the Pookie and doing lines a lot. And once that enters your life, it kind of alters you in different ways.

From there, I eventually tried heroin at the age of 26, and it was while I was incarcerated on this prison term in county jail, fighting my life sentence. I remember I would tell myself, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I already fucked up, and I already did meth when I told myself I wouldn't do it. But then, of course, curiosity got the best of me, and that's it. That thought came into my head again. Why did my mom choose this? What is so good about it? I remember the first time I did it, it's called Caldito, and you put it on a spoon, and you end up tossing it back down your nose.

When you're locked up, fighting a life sentence, and you know that your chances are very slim, you feel some type of way. And the high that I got from that drug; nothing in the world mattered, nothing bothered me. I wasn't stressed out about serving life or anything, all of that went away. To have that escape from reality, it was kind of welcoming. But little did I know that you have to pay to play with that specific drug, it's physically demanding.